Apr 16, 2018
Conference Call: Recognizing Abuse

Tuesday 8:45 pm: Adai Adís next conference call on marriage will address "Is this normal? Recognizing abusive behavior early in marriage."

The wedding is over and the young couple settles into shanah rishonah and a life together. For most, there is the bliss. And the normal challenges and the typical 'hard work' of building the marriage. Sadly, for a few, it is the beginning of a nightmare of abuse and control.

Listen in on Tuesday, April 17 8:45PM eastern as Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad interviews Lisa Twerski, LCSW about "Is this normal? Recognizing abusive behavior early in marriage." What to do if you feel abused or controlled? And the importance of seeking support as soon as you feel uncomfortable and unheard in the marriage.

This is a MUST HEAR for all kallahs/ chasanim and newly married women and men.

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To join, call 641-552-9123. Access code: 256965
You can send in your questions anonymously before, during and after the call to www.adaiad.org/ask-anonymous-question

This call is brought to the community by Crown Heights Jewish Community Council and Adai Ad. It is part of a series of workshops and education organized by the Crown Heights Jewish Community Council under a grant by the New York City Council Domestic Violence Initiative awarded by Council Member Matthieu Eugene.

Check Adai Ad's website for upcoming calls and events at http://www.adaiad.org/events or recordings of past events at www.adaiad.org/past-events.


Most Read Most Comments




Opinions and Comments
1
And...
and for people BEFORE they get married!!!!
(4/16/2018 11:23:28 AM)
2
I certainly hope there will be realistic suggestions
Concerning WHO to call for support if the early days are not ďblissĒ. Iím sorry to say that our local Rabbonim are still not all knowledgeable about abuse & generations are suffering as a result.
(4/16/2018 11:35:21 AM)
3
Suggestion
1) It's not always woman who are victims. MANY MANY woman abuse their husbands and children. Putting a picture of a woman in the flyer just furthers the erroneous stereotype.

2) One needs to be careful labeling something as "abuse" in their own marriage after going to a "lecture on abuse," and this could lead to unnecessary and avoidable sholom bayis issues. In fact many times the ABUSER calls the other spouse the ABUSER when in fact they are the victim.

3) If from the lecture it appears what's happening is in fact abusive, a neutral *professional* 3rd party (not easy to find) needs to meet with BOTH parties to hear BOTH sides and make a professional determination.

Many marriages were broken and children harmed where they could have been saved with proper professional intervention.
(4/16/2018 12:36:05 PM)
4
The Word "Abuse"
This word as well as others are often overused and missused. There are cases where there is abuse but not as many as the claims...

30 years ago people felt an internal commitment to work through things and trust that there is always hope

Now it is far more common to "use" all the key words in order to use the system to get out rather than stay in...

Our goal has to be to fix rather than to find reasons to break the union
(4/16/2018 3:27:56 PM)
5
To number 3
You are so right!!!!glad people are becoming aware.I'm a adult child who grew up in an abusive home. The abuser still goes around claiming the victim is the abuser and so many believe this sick person. We children live in the dark, nobody helped or cares now and we go on in our lives dealing with these issues while the abuser continues to shame and makes proprganda against all their victims....so painful.
(4/16/2018 4:42:39 PM)
6
To #4
Itís really the opposite of what you said. The reality is actually that many people beleive what you wrote and so do not believe the victim. As a result most victims of abuse do not come for ward And speak openly about it. And #3 the majority of woman that say theyíre abused are not lying and many of those abusers who are men act like innocent victims.
(4/16/2018 4:46:25 PM)
7
Husband abuse!!!
Today the system is clear. If you are a man and your wife screams at you then it is an argument. If you scream back then it is abuse. Enough of this double standard.!! Ive seen so many wives belittle their husbands in public and in front of guests that I almost want to skip marriage altogether. Unless it is actually physical hitting which must be stopped immediately the word abuse it definately overused. Answering back to a nasty woman is not abuse. People should Stop abusing the word "abuse". How about wives that kiddnap their kids and run away claiming abuse when all they are is evil woman who should be behind bars... and the jewish community helps them do this....... I know mothers who turned their children into orphans and have the community financially support them. Where are the JCW activists on this important issue. Mothers kiddnapping their own children. This is even 1000 times worse than abuse....
(4/16/2018 8:47:34 PM)
8
Keep pitting men against women
To all commentators:
There is a lot of real abuse, there are also a lot of manufactured allegations and plenty misuse of the word. The bigger problem is generalizing words like "feeling controlled.". If one spouse isn't practical, and spends wildly, they will certainly feel controlled. But that is not abuse or anything wrong, and is actually beneficial for both of them. Most reasonable people will understand this. But if everyone was reasonable there wouldn't be as many issues, so such terms are ripe for misuse.

It's very popular today to pit men against women. Unfortunately that leads to the disintegration of the family unit and then society. And any conference that doesn't mention the negative aspects of divorce (70% decline in standard of living for the children, academic/social/addiction problems greatly increased for them and much worse) is not giving needed info to a grossly misinformed public.
(4/16/2018 9:25:23 PM)
9
To #7
What are you talking about? That is made up and actually not what happens at all! This is actually what men who neglect or abuse their wife and kids want you to believe. According to the law you cannot kidnap your children and never let them see their father. Not only that and I know this from experience, fathers who are abusers and neglecters have rights over their kids even if they wake up one day when the kids are older and easier to take care of they can suddenly decide they want to have all their visitation rights and they can do that. Not only that only one percent lie about abuse . Most woman say the truth and many arenít believed. I went through physical torture and bullying and brainwashing on an extreme level and though I may have mentioned I was abused to a few people no one knows the details to actually understand what happened besides for some of my family members . Itís time for woman to be believed and why donít you listen to the stories of those wives of those men who claim to be alienated from their kids and see if those woman are using the word abuse lightly. But guess what? You probably wonít hear it bec those woman probably wonít talk about it, at least not publicly even to protect their kids but the abusive men have no problem lying about their kids mother even to their own kids. Thatís the reality and those one percent of woman who lie shouldnít define most of the woman who donít. And those woman you see belittling their husbands are they divorced? Obviously not! If people are divorced especially in this community where all the rabbis donít support you right away when you want help getting divorced than there is a big reason why they are divorced.
(4/17/2018 8:12:58 AM)
10
To #7
Thereís a reason why Adai Ad organization made this conference call. It is because of all the anonymous phone calls of woman actually being abused that no one hears about. Sadly many people beleive what you just wrote which is why men are really the ones getting away with abuse and even woman donít believe their fellow abused woman and abusive evil men are given respect because they know how to look very innocent. You donít have to be a good actor to appear innocent.
(4/17/2018 8:52:05 AM)
11
Married to a former abuser.
If only I received I was seeking but instead was given misguided advice to remain while I was living in CH. The lack of awareness is shameful, criminal and terrifying. This is a good idea
(4/18/2018 1:04:45 PM)
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