Jan 11, 2017
My Message to Married Friends
A single Chabad girl, who helped many of her friends when they were getting married, says there's something they all seem to have forgotten.
I am typical. I am 26 years old, and a normal chassidishe girl. I went to an out of town school, I went to seminary, and I have a close group of friends. I work as a secretary and I like to daven in 770 every shabbos morning. "A regular fine girl," as shadchanim would say.
But I am not yet married. I have bitachon that I will find my bashert, of course.
Most of my friends are already married baruch Hashem. They will agree right away that I'm a very good friend. Meaning, besides for the all the fun times we spent together over the years, school, camp, vacation, seminary memories, I have also been here to help my friends in every way possible as they got engaged one by one.
I helped organize so many kallah showers that I can’t even count, collecting money for presents and spending hours choosing the perfect gifts from Bed Bath and Beyond. I helped my friends move into their first apartments, schlepping boxes and unpacking with them.
I made sure they had great shtick at the wedding and danced all night long to celebrate as each friend got married and started their binyan adei ad.
And then something funny happened. Yes, my friends try to keep in touch. Yes, they send me pictures of their adorable babies. And yes they complain to me how it's so hard juggling everything as a new wife and mother.
But the years have passed and there's one question they never ask me.
My friends somehow seem to have forgotten that I am still single.
Not one friend asks me how shidduchim is going for me. Not one friend has asked if they could help me with shidduchim. Not one friend has offered to call a reference or contact a shadchan on my behalf.
I know, we are all still friends, but they either forgot that I am still looking for my bashert or they don't want to talk about the elephant in the room.
I am here to tell you to please talk about the elephant in the room. I am more than positive that your friend will be so happy if you show concern and interest in helping her get married.
The only time of of my friends raised the topic of shidduchim was when she needed information about a certain girl that I happened to know from high school out of town. Her mother was looking into the girl for my friend's brother.
Other than that, zilch.
With this in mind, I just want to say to every married friend out there in the universe. Pick up the phone and call your single friends. I know you're busy but guess what? We were here when you needed us. Pick up the phone and ask your single friend how shidduchim are going. How can you help? What is she or he looking for? Is there someone who she would like you to find out about? Could you reach out to a few shadchanim for her?
This will make all the difference in the world.
Ignoring the situation and only talking just about your life is wrong. I am dating since I am 20 years old. It is hard. You are my friend. I was here for you every step. You are like a sister to me. I am a listening ear when you complain how your baby is throwing up and how your husband needs a new wardrobe. The least you can do is ask me how I am doing, how I am really doing. It's not enough to just say, "oy vey, so many singles. Oy vey, she's such a great girl."
Take five minutes every day and think of your friend and see how you can help her shidduch life.
Please don't be selfish. Call, text, whatsapp, facebook message. Ask your single friends how you can help them in this most important area of their lives right now. Finding their basherts. This is the biggest hakaros hatov.
Don't wait for ten or twenty years to go by to start davening for your friends.
What greater nachas to Hashem and the Rebbe can there be, that you care to help your single friends and do what you can to help marry them off. Right here and right now.